Tales from the Bus: Skunked

Today, while getting on the bus, something strange was in the air.

It smelled as though a skunk sprayed the doorway of the bus.

I have no idea how this could have happened. It was a horribly strong skunk smell in the doorway and then not too bad throughout the bus. This was confusing.

At every single stop, someone got on, wrinkled their nose, and said, "It smells like a skunk in here."

Many people also wondered aloud what could possibly have happened to cause the smell. Was there a skunk in someone's backpack? Was there a skunk running around in the bus? Why does the bus smell like a skunk? What is the evolutionary purpose of a skunk, anyway? What does a skunk look like in real life -- does it resemble a ferret? (Note: How someone has not seen at least a picture of a skunk is beyond me.) Does a skunk dislike its own smell? It's so cool -- they have things that dinosaurs poop out. (Note: the dinosaur comment did not seem related to the skunk, but perhaps I heard the comment out of context.)

The smell was uniting -- people were speaking to each other who didn't seem to know each other, which is unusual for the bus. It was 8:30 in the morning, and the skunk had given everyone a harsh wake up call on a beautiful morning.

Tales from the Bus: Pudding

This afternoon, I was talking about craziness on the bus to one of my professors. I said that I hadn't heard anything good lately.

Then I got on the bus and the bus gods smiled upon me.

Perhaps it's because it's Little 500 week. This week culminates with a bike race (yes, I know, a bike race) that is, for some, the highlight of the school year at IU. The week also is full of parties and general drunken shenanigans.

It is possible that these shenanigans spurred the young man today on the bus.

I sat in front of this young man. He was talking on the phone and I wasn't at first paying any attention.

Then, he said this: "I have to make nine gallons of pudding tonight."

How could that NOT catch your attention? So I listened in. I learned that the pudding might be diluted a bit with water. You can tell where this is going.

"I've even got a ref's outfit," he said. "I think it's going to be fun."

This guy was planning a pudding wrestling event. How awesome is that? (I do not have an invitation to this party.)

Then this fellow said something that made the whole conversation a little bit funnier.

"I'm off both disciplinary and academic probation now."

He obviously misses it.

Tales from the Bus: Ears are funny like that

So I'm on the bus the other day and overhear a conversation between a guy and a girl.

Girl: I used to pierce my ears all the time. I had the professional earrings from when I first pierced my ears and I just did it myself. I did it like four times down here [her lobe] and then I did it once up here [the cartilage]. But then that one got a really weird bump on it. It was gross. I don't know what it was, but I had to, like, go to the doctor and he had to freeze it off.

Boy: Ears are funny like that.

Me: [internal dialogue] Wow, what a story to be talking about on the bus. Weird ear bumps getting frozen off by doctors. Why do we need to share medical information? Even though this isn't that bad as the big bloody tumor of last year. At least she's talking about this in person and not on her cell phone--

Girl: So what's your name?

Boy: Ben*.

Girl: Well, it's nice to meet you. I'm Fanny*. This is my stop.

Me: [internal dialogue] SHE WAS DISCUSSING HER FROZEN-OFF EAR BUMP WITH SOMEONE SHE NEVER MET BEFORE!!!!! baSdfjaklsdfjbshieknadksanfkds [head explodes]

One day I am going to do a blog post about "Rules of the Bus."

*names changed to protect the bumpy

Tales from the Bus: Express

My bus route picked up an extra bus that only runs from my spot to a corresponding spot on the other end of the route. We call this route the Express.

Because of this, when you're taking the Express, instead of stopping at my stop, it turns before my stop and actually goes down my street to turn around.

The first time I was riding this, there were only about 6 of us on the bus. When it turned, one of the girls sitting near me looked up in a panic.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" she said, clearly confused and frightened that the bus had kidnapped us just like in that one book I read back in middle school. (Did anyone else read that book? I can't remember how it ended.)

Another smiling passenger soothed the "whoa-ing" girl's fears.

The bus driver actually let us all off closer to our homes than normal, and we went on our merry way.

(And the bus has been waaaaayyyy too quiet recently. I haven't been able to eavesdrop on any good coversations lately!)

Tales from the Bus: Overheard Aftermath of the Election

Boy 1: Facebook has been crazy today.

Boy 2: Man, I know. Everyone is posting about the election. It's nuts.

Boy 1: The best one I've seen is from my friend. His status said, "I was going to go do laundry, but Obama stole all the change."

Bus riders in general: HA!

Tales from the Bus: Locker Love

It's been somewhat of a reawakening. Maybe a rude reawakening.

First, all of those leggings-as-pants strolling around campus. The added traffic on the streets. The piles of beer cans in garbage throughout town.

The students are back.

Today I rode into campus and saw something on the bus I've never seen before. Well, "saw" might not be an appropriate word because I was trying my hardest not to look.

Let's put it this way -- when I was in high school one of the teachers used to refer to couples hanging out in the hallways as "Locker Love," as in, "Quit the Locker Love and get to class!"

Today on the bus, I was standing near the front, and there was LOCKER LOVE going on in the aisle right across from me. I could touch these people's feet with my feet.

And what do I mean by Locker Love? Well, think of the most simpering, please-tell-me-that's-not-your-real-voice, I'll put my arm around you to protect you from falling when the bus makes a quick stop, "I couldn't stand four days without you," and "I will not forget to meet you at 3:45" type of guy. Well, that last one isn't too bad, is it? Scratch that. Give him a little girlfriend in jean capris (thankfully, I don't think I would have lasted had she been wearing leggings).

And have them googly-eye each other while giving each other multiple kisses.

On the bus.

At 1:00 in the AFTERNOON.

I stared straight out the front window. I couldn't believe it. Why did I have to even hear that? Because, my friends, we all know that if someone is in love enough to exchange saliva on the city bus, they aren't caring so much about the sound of all that lip mashing. I won't say more. I might be sick.

But really? The afternoon! I was headed to lunch for goodness sake. Did I really need the googly-eyes? I mean, at night, after a rousing evening at the bars, maybe I can understand getting carried away on the bus. But I had a rousing good appetite for a BLT that could have been ruined! (But let's be honest, I ate the whole BLT, which also had Swiss cheese and avocados, a work of art.)

Go to class, people. Hold hands if you're feeling crazy. Perhaps I sound like I'm 90 years old, but let's not have any more suck face on the bus.

(Especially if you're wearing leggings-as-pants at the time. *shiver*)

Tales from the Bus: Angst

The kids will be here next week. Luckily, I will be home.

But today I got a delicious preview of what awaits me on yet another year of riding the 6 bus.

When I boarded the bus this morning, there was a girl talking with the bus driver. She didn't know where she was going. She didn't know where the bus stopped. She didn't know how to make the bus stop.

It was brilliant.

And it continued.

She finally sat down in the bus and turned to her companion.

"We have to signal a stop. How do you signal a stop?" (She looks all round, not noticing the pull line.) "Seriously, how do you signal a stop?"

Finally, I looked at her and pointed to the pull line (there were only a couple of people on the bus, I was closest).

She, still not knowing where she was going, didn't get to pull the pull line. So the bus driver looked into the mirror and told her that it was her stop.

"This stop?" she asked.

He nodded, and off she went.

I can't wait for the bus stories to come!

Tales from the Bus: Hurling through space and time

The bus was almost my undoing a couple of weeks ago.

I think I may have had a spot of an ear infection. I was dizzy and nauseous. I told Hal to go to work without me so I could stay in bed for a little while longer trying to right my world -- as I was listing to one side like sinking ship.

I left the house and made it to the bus stop.

There were approximately 2 million people waiting for the bus. I don't usually take the bus this early (it was before 9), so I was unprepared for the multitudes of people waiting for the bus.

Lucky for us, two busses pull up. 

Unlucky for me, there is no seat. Approximately 1 million of the 2 waiting joined the already full bus. I got on and was crammed somewhere in the aisle facing backwards. (Can you see where this is heading yet?)

So I do okay for a little while. Then, right as we entered campus (about 5 minutes or so into the ride), I start getting hot. At this point in time it was below zero with the wind chill. I figured there were just too many people on the bus.

I break out in a cold sweat.

Uh oh. 

I take off my gloves. No help.

Oh jeez -- just get to the library! (The library and the business school share a stop, and most of the people get off at that stop.)

Still sweating. I unzip my coat. Nothing.

Oh boy. This is not good

I realize that I'm not seeing very well. The sun had risen enough so that it was hitting the bus windows in such a way that made it hard to see. I was in a daze.

It hits me that I am going to puke on the bus.

With 2 million people pressed in next to me. 

I turn toward some girls sitting near me.

"Please pull the thing!" I croak out, desperate. They pull it for me. The bus starts to slow.

I spin around, smacking a girl sitting on the other side of the aisle upside the head. I apologize, I think. In any case, she tells me it's ok.

In the nick of time, the bus pulls to a stop and opens the door. I stumble through the group of people to the back door and am free!

I throw OFF my coat and sit down on a snow-covered wall. I stay there for about 10 minutes, enjoying the cold, which immediately helped the oh-no-gonna-puke feeling. 

I ended up walking most of the way home, after waiting for a long time for a bus that never did come. I emailed my teachers, crawled back into bed, and stayed horizontal for the rest of the day.

And that's the story of how I missed my only classes this year.

Tales from the Bus: Bro Love

Boy 1 (sitting down): Dude, that's a sweet sweater.
Boy 2 (standing) [looks down at his sweater]: You like that?
Boy 1: Yeah! Where did you get it?
Boy 2 [ponders for a moment]: My girl got it for me. It's from Urban Outfitters.
Boy 1 [snaps his fingers]: Darn, that's too expensive.
Boy 2: Thanks, man.

This is the conversation I witnessed on the bus about two weeks ago. It really felt as though I was in the twilight zone. After all, what boys talk to each other like this, randomly, on the bus, discussing clothes? It was so weird!

(I was sitting next to boy 1, and I'm afraid I looked like I was watching a tennis match, as this conversation was so amusing to me, I was looking back and forth from one boy to another while it went on.)

He's a maverick

Today on the bus a guy got on with his headphones. (We have a lot of headphone users on the bus, probably to drown out BIGBLOODYTUMOR talk.)

Anyway, so this guy is BLASTING his music. And I'm sitting there, and I'm listening because, well, I'm a total eavesdropper. A smile spreads over my face.

He's listening to the theme song from Top Gun. Not "Highway to the Danger Zone" -- I totally understand listening to that -- but the actual, instrumental music from Top Gun. Which is, undoubtably, awesome.

On a side note, if I'm remembering correctly, Top Gun is the first movie we watched when we installed surround sound for the first time in our old house. The beginning of the movie, where "Highway to the Danger Zone" does play, literally shook the walls of our house. It's awesome to be able to feel your movies as well as hear them!

Tales from the Bus

I love riding the bus.

IU's bus system makes it free for all students to ride the multitude of bus lines that go through town and campus. The bus I ride home drops me off less than five minutes from my apartment. So I ride the bus pretty often. On Mondays and Wednesdays, I ride home for lunch and then back for my office hour, AI class, and theory. Tuesdays and Thursdays, I ride it home for the day.

Most of the time, the bus is an incredibly pleasant experience. Most of the people on my bus are students, so it's not like riding a bus from downtown Cincinnati. Once, I did that and a woman who had lots of Princess Diana buttons on sat next to me and explained how Prince Charles killed Di. She was harmless, but it was still quite the experience.

However, today people seemed out of sorts. And the problem with people being out of sorts on the bus is that they are usually engaging in cell phone conversations. With inappropriate subjects. Loudly.

For example, tonight a young man was in a bit of a tiff with his mother, it appeared. She even hung up on him! This is after he yelled "Stay Calm!" several times. Not exactly something you want to share with 50 strangers.

But today's cell phone convo of the day was way more exciting than a fight with mom.

It appears that this sweet little undergrad's pet, Howard, was sick. The student, a girl, was talking to her mom on the phone telling her about how she needed to take Howard to the vet because it was getting bad. She said that if she couldn't afford it then she wouldn't be able to take him to the vet (presumably her mom asked how much it was going to cost and if she could afford it). I am horrified, thinking that this poor girl was going to lose her beloved pet because she couldn't take him to the vet.

So girl finally gets off the phone with mom and calls the vet. She needs to make an appointment for Howard, she tells them, and gives them her name (which I'm not repeating here because it's none of our businesses).

The problem with Howard, you see, is that he has a BIG BLOODY TUMOR on his leg. Ewwww. We get to hear about the BIG BLOODY TUMOR several times both on the phone to the vet and when she was talking to her mom. Other than that, Howard is doing well. He's eating normally.

And the best part?

Howard is not a dog or cat, as I feared.

Howard is a HAMSTER!

I didn't even know you could take a hamster to the vet. I know I tried to get mom to take my gerbil, Sugar, to the vet up the street, but apparently vets don't look at pets that have already died.

(Speaking of which, be not afraid, if Howard happened to kick the bucket before his appointment on Friday, his "mom" wouldn't have to pay for the appointment. Sweet relief.)

This is not to diminish Howard's life. I understand how attached people can get to even the smallest of pets. For example, my fish aquarium sophomore year got the disease Ick. Which was really awful, because it eats away at the fish until they don't have fins and just float around. It was terrible.

So this is, of course, not to make fun of Howard and his mom. I'm sure she was very concerned about Howard. I know I am, now.

But still, do you want to talk about BIG BLOODY TUMORS on the bus?

(P.S. -- I've had a spot of midterms, which is why I haven't been around. Hopefully I will be able to update here soon with good news about our house!)