Saturday, November 7, 2009

Fashion: The Skinny Jean for Boys

This might be a controversial statement.

I hate boys in skinny jeans.

Maybe this is one of those personal preference things. I mean, obviously leggings-as-pants is an issue of nationwide optical safety. But what about boys in skinny jeans?

I was at the mall today (Gawd, how Valley of me), and happened to walk a swath of the mall behind a young woman with two guy friends. Both guys were wearing skinny jeans. Both looked ridiculous.

Is it jealousy? I mean, skinny being in the title takes away any thought that I should be wearing such pants. Surely I don't find them distasteful simply because I would look ridiculous in them (I, in fact, try to eschew any pant with any sort of taper). I mean, on girls, they don't bother me. My sister has a cute pair of skinny jeans.

But these guys at the mall. Twig-like legs. Big ol' feet. To me, well, they kind of looked like they had duck legs.

After this disturbing visual, I conferred with a friend. Through the power of texting, I got a confirming response. She said, "Agreed! They're either always pulling them up or they dont' and you see half of their [expletive deleted, begins with A and rhymes with SASS] or more. Ugh. I feel a blog entry coming on." Ha! They know me so well.

I responded, "Let me help you visually interpret how not manly I am." (In this case, do note that I was speaking as if I were the boy wearing skinny jeans. I, myself, don't need to help people visualize how not manly I am.)

She said, "I love it! See how scrawny and prepubescent I look. Doesn't everyone want to look like a 12-year-old boy? The worst is when they're not nearly as skinny as they're jeans."

As I chuckled, the phone beeped again! My friend was so incensed that she sent me two texts in a row!

She said, ":0/ I really don't know how they get their feet through those leg holes!"

Very true, wise friend. How DO they get their feet through those leg holes? This sounds like it takes coordination that I wouldn't have.

Also, this brings me to a tragic side effect of the skinny jean (beside the whole "silly looking" thing). It's called meralgia paresthetica. I couldn't make that up. The jean can compress a nerve in your leg and can cause pain. (Let me take this moment to say that if you do go to the ABC news article I've linked, the first page pertains to skinny jeans. If you go to page 2, it's about THONGS, which is another post for another time. Yikes.)

So let's see: look like a non-manly duck and run the risk of pain and nerve damage. Sounds like a win-win to me.

What do you think? What is the appeal? Why are they sexy?